I had a conversation recently with a dear friend about the importance of “not asking why” We agreed that this was one of the biggest lessons we learned from the Benchmark Recovery Center experience. I know that when I first arrived, it was hard for me to understand the logic behind the rules. I think I rolled my eyes the entire time my buddy went through the Code of Conduct. I could not understand what “zen-ing” my room and not bringing red cups downstairs had to do with me not shooting dope anymore. How was this supposed to keep me sober?
Over time, I learned to ask fewer questions. No one was going to tell me when we were going on our next outing or whether or not I was getting that elusive fifth month. I don’t know if I could really comprehend the underlying lesson of all of this while I was a resident. I just came to a point of surrender where I was willing to do anything I was told because I knew, from my experience, that I did not have any clue how to stay sober. So we move from defiance, to acceptance, to surrender… And, finally, we find FAITH.
It makes sense to me now, in retrospect – that my life is really none of my business anymore. And I don’t ask why because I trust that God has the answers, and I don’t need to know everything after all. Hasn’t self-knowledge availed me nothing? My struggle and attempt to know and understand this world and to have it look the way I want is exactly what got me to Benchmark Recovery Center in the first place. Who knew that staying in silence on the van-ride to an outside meeting was really all about making a Third-Step Decision? When I agree to turn my will and my life over to the care of God, I forfeit my right to ask why and to interject my opinion about results.
About The Author:
Mary Huber is a grateful alumnus of Benchmark Recovery Center. She currently lives at the Benchmark women’s apartments and works full-time as a Customer Service Representative. Mary plans to continue her undergraduate studies in political science and journalism this fall.